She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
