your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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