im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
