those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
