at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
