she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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