I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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