Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
