Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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