i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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