It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
