i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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