Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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