Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
