So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
