my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
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Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
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Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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