i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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