i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am naked and annoyed.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
