My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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