That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
