he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
