This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
