What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
