with your own penis?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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