The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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