I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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