I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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