lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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