she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
