Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize