You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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