I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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