I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
