You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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