Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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