when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
