I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
