I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
