we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
