im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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