AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
