What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
