My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
her vagine was all disorganized.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
