I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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