Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
