You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
