I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I believe in your delicious
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
