Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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