he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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