I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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