Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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