i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
