Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
