This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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