I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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