i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
