this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize