Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Do vagina's smell?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
