...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
