is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
