so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
