I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i out mim tonsoeep
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