I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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