It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
