After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
